Never say Never- 6 ways you can defy the odds

Have you ever heard others speak these words about you “She will never or He will never” …

What is the secret to defying the odds? I have always had the odds stacked against me my entire life. Starting at an early age, my mother taught me essential skills for defying the odds and achieving impossible goals. As an adult, I was able to draw upon these powerful principles to help me conquer one of the biggest battles I have ever faced in life…a five organ transplant.

Imagine a young mother, sitting in a closet-sized, medical exam room. Cradling a baby in her arms. A single tear silently rolls down her cheek, as the doctor looks towards the tiny infant and abruptly began to recite a harsh list of all the things “She will never do”… She will never live to see adulthood. Forty-five birthday candles were blown out this past year.

She will never marry. Twenty wedding anniversaries have been celebrated.

She will never be a mother. Three children are being loved, nurtured, and raised.

She will never survive a five-organ transplant. It is quite a journey to go from fighting for your life to life coach.

A few years ago, I was lying in a hospital bed in Indianapolis.  I had a vertical incision from my sternum to my belly button where …a new stomach, liver, pancreas, small intestine, and colon had been placed. A row of 59 stainless steel staples hid under layers of multiple gauze bandages. It had only been one day since my multi-organ transplant surgery. I was feeling immense gratitude but also excruciating pain. I was a tangled mess of tubes. I had six IV access sites and my right nostril had been invaded by a feeding tube inserted down my nose and into my new stomach.

One morning, a young physical therapist came into my room and cheerily announced, “Today you will get out of bed and walk.”  My body was weak, but my mind was strong. This was when I had to draw upon the powerful lessons my mother had taught me. An essential part of my recovery process was to build my endurance. Walking was critically important and it all began by taking these small steps.

1. Focus on your goal, every little step is progress

The physical therapist tried to be encouraging by saying “Let’s just focus on walking four simple steps today” then gave me detailed instructions on how to accomplish this. I knew it was going to be incredibly painful. because even the simple act of adjusting my pillows was excruciating.

2. Embrace your fears

When facing difficulties push thru your fear and your pain. The physical therapist began pushing a button located on the arm rail of my hospital bed. I heard a loud sound of creaking metal as the head of my bed began to rise causing my body to painfully bend. I braced my abdomen with a pillow, slowly rolled to my side, and gradually lowered my legs to the floor. A second nurse was paged to come into my room and offer assistance. Suddenly a large statured and masculine-looking woman entered the room. I heard the nurse mutter in a cranky voice “She is too weak, she will never make it more than a few steps.” And with that, the gauntlet had been thrown down.

3. Leverage the power of turning negativity into positive actions to propel you forward towards achieving your goals.

I knew how to counteract the power of those words… I channeled that negativity into positivity like I had done many times previously in my life.  A polaroid image of my family flashed into my mind if I wanted to go home and hug my children! I knew I would have to walk as part of my recovery process. I had all the motivation I needed. I believed I could do more!

4. Don’t let others determine what you are capable of

 Why believe what someone else determined I was capable of? That “she-hulk” nurse did not know me, or what I was capable of. I had a different plan in mind. Walk just to the chair…That was their goal, not mine. Those first few footsteps were mentally scary and physically painful, but I soldiered on, putting one foot in front of the other, and walked not just to the chair, but continued walking across my tiny hospital room and to the open doorway and to my future! Are you allowing the expectations of others to define you? Too often we let the limiting beliefs of others distort our view of our own abilities. It is you, not others who shape your reality. Muhammad Ali said, “Impossible is not a fact it is just an opinion!” To accomplish anything in life we must be courageous and believe that we can do hard things!

5. Be an example of what is possible.

I teach my coaching clients, it takes just one intentional choice at a time, to make you and your reality better Just like I did as I took one step at a time towards the open doorway of my hospital room. Use the words, “She will never…” and “He will never…” as the power to overcome challenges in your life.

6. It is okay to cry- let your tears be tears of triumph

And always remember it is okay if just like my mother a tear rolls down your cheek, let that tear be a tear of triumph as you defeat the words “She will never”.